Positive words do not include ‘no’. Then automatically we categorized it as something we shouldn’t be saying often. We became the ‘yes’ masters and this made us feel good because we saw others like that!
Yes has been one of my favourite answers for really long.
IT FELT GOOD FOR THESE REASONS
- I felt I was inviting all kinds of opportunities
- I was pleasing so many people
- I was being positive
- I had a great attitude!
BUT WHAT I DID NOT SEE BECAME CLEAR TOO
- I was being ‘jack of all trades, master of none’
- I was pleasing others but didn’t know what I wanted
- I was feeling a lot of FOMO if I had to say NO even for the right reasons
- I was confused about my identity
This isn’t me demonizing ‘YES’ – it is actually non-demonizing NO
SO AS STEP 1 I TRIED TO FIGURE WHERE DO I NEED CLARITY?
- Which kind of opportunities would flourish my growth?
- What kind of plans do I really enjoy?
- Who do I feel good about and love hanging out with?
- What are the things I choose to do that does not involve pleasing someone else?
- Which are the core values that make me like myself a little more, regardless of me practicing them or no?
# Which are my top 3 big YES that will bring the most fulfillment in my life?
So when STEP 1 gave me some insight, I knew I had to say NO to things other than that to CROWD OUT THE CLUTTER.
‘NO’ can declutter the choices we make for reasons other than that add value to our journey.
NO can be hard at first because it needs courage. I remember some incidents where NO was so hard and I am sure you have had some similar experiences as well.
- When I had to first say NO to having shots at a night out, it had become the girl gang thing – if we didn’t have shots, then we won’t have fun, so saying NO would mean I don’t want myself and others to have fun?!?!?! Saying NO also alienated some old friends because it was based on this and maybe there was a phase when I did enjoy this, but that phase was long gone and I had to accept it. This NO was the beginning of a healthy lifestyle.
- When I had to say my first ‘NO’ to another free wellness event. The conversation in my head was like me driving a car without direction! Am I losing an opportunity? Will this be a marketing regret? Will the organization think of me as money-minded? Truth is whenever I did a wellness event, I, of course, had to de-prioritize something else to make time to prepare for this and be available for this. This would delay the other goals that I had put as my primary goals. So at some point, I needed self-talk that I want to do paid wellness events because I had finished my phase of free ones and needed to move on! This NO (hard at first) gave me time to focus on what will drive impact and business and led to other areas of clarity as well.
Redefine NO for yourself with the right intention. Let it bring clarity, sharpness and a de-cluttered environment. Some steps may seem hard at first but will bring authenticity in the long term.
Nipa Asharam is a Thriive-verified, certified health and life coach. Keen to follow a holistic lifestyle which gives your skin a natural glow without stress and tons of maintenance? You can now learn and apply the easy-to-follow secrets to getting a Natural Glow in the comfort of your home.
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