Everyone knows the story. A person is feeling wounded from a recent break-up, then suddenly a spark is lit as they spot someone new! He or she quickly falls deeply in love, thinking ‘this is it’. However, sooner than later, it has all gone horribly wrong and everyone is left feeling even more wounded. Why?
Like energy attracts like
We are all made up of energy. Everything about us – who we are, what we think (both conscious and subconscious), our emotions – makes up our individual energy fields. According to quantum physics, our energy fields literally draw people towards us (or away from us) via the laws of attraction.
When you look at it this way, there are a couple of things to consider:
1) We are not fully balanced and strong immediately after our relationship ends
I do not believe that individuals in a relationship come together in a random fashion. And no matter who we are, I do not believe it is possible to leave a relationship feeling fully balanced and strong.
So, when we are still licking our wounds from a failed relationship our energy systems are not necessarily offering a true picture of who we are. This is the reason the rebound relationship which looked so good at the beginning, is suddenly so wrong once we are back on our feet again.
2) Our inner wounds have not yet healed
When we dive into a new love, we can forget to heal the wounds of the previous relationship.
We spend most of our time focusing on the external – our new partner – which is a wonderful alternative to facing our internal wounds. Unsurprisingly, the comfort that the new relationship offers can easily be mistaken for ‘the perfect match’. However, this scenario leaves little space and time for personal growth and healing. And so, our unhealed wounds are open to spill out into our new relationship in destructive ways.
3) The emotional baggage of the rebound relationship is particularly heavy
Everyone has some emotional baggage and any new relationship requires us to work through it. However, the emotional baggage of the rebound relationship is particularly heavy.
These are some signs of heavy emotional baggage:
- Being emotionally needy
- Fearful of losing the new relationship
- Eager to please to the level of losing oneself
- Finding it difficult to trust
- Repeated physical ailments
Before you enter a rebound relationship, ask these questions:
If you do find ourselves getting involved with someone else quickly after a breakup, then the best option is to try and do so consciously.
There is wisdom in taking some ‘time out’ after a break-up in order to avoid making the same mistakes again and again.
It makes great sense to take the time to digest what has happened and try to find the answers to the following questions (Journaling can help):
- Have you considered your role in the breakup?
- What lessons did you learn in and from the relationship?
- How will you tackle the hurt surrounding the break-up itself?
- Have any of your values changed?
- What would you be looking for in a future relationship?
It is only when we become aware of how we relate to one another through the law of attraction, we can make some sense of the potential emotional roller coaster.
We can navigate it well by giving ourselves time to heal alongside the new relationship. Then who is to say what will actually work in practice!
About Natalie Matos