Are you in love with a narcissist?
What is it that made you fall in love with your partner at first? Was it their face? Was it how they laughed? Was it how they looked? Was it how they spoke or cared? Was it how they made you laugh? Or was it simply who they were or were NOT?
If you find yourself skimming through this questionnaire and wondering why you fell for the love of your life, you’ll probably think you fell in love because the person wasn’t a certain way. Now that sounds insane, doesn’t it? That you are smitten by someone not being a certain way.
But what happens with the majority of the couples is that as time goes by, they realize different bits about each other’s personality. Those unconvincing mood-swings, unmoored behaviour or simple habits that don’t seem good to you. There could be a time in your life when you feel like you are with someone who thinks ‘too much about themselves- ALL THE TIME.’ If you find yourself trapped in a relationship with a narcissist, you NEED to read this surely!
Who is a narcissist?
“Narcissists have poor self-esteem, but they are typically very successful. They feel entitled; they’re self-important; they crave admiration and lack empathy. They are also exploitative and envious. The malignant types never forget a slight. They may kill you ten years later for cutting them off in traffic. But they act perfectly normal while plotting their revenge,” says Janet M. Tavakoli, a famous author, and entrepreneur.
You don’t want to be around someone who constantly says things like, “Oh, I alone can do that well,”. Yes, it’s nice to see Ganesh Gaitonde or Guruji constantly saying things like “Aham Brahmasmi” in a super hit Netflix show, but surely, it’s not cool to have someone sit beside you and repeat it 500 times in a day.
What to expect if you are in a relationship with one?
Sure enough, there are many such people around us and each of them carries a set of expectations from you. Things can get really bad for you if you are romantically involved with that person too! Here are 3 things you should expect if you are with a narcissist:
- Chasing perfectionism: Everyone wants to ace some art or the other. Wanting to be perfect at one’s job isn’t a wrong desire. But if you find your partner constantly vying for perfectionism over important needs and wants, you really need to sit the person down and talk. Communicate and clarify what you can and can’t accept in your relationship.
- Not hearing a NO: Does your partner expect a YES for every question? Then you are stuck with the wrong person. Accepting and acknowledging a NO is really important. Chances are if you date a narcissist that your NO may not make a lot of sense and you will need to justify your stand every single time. You know what? Just DON’T. When you are put to justify your actions each time, simply put your foot down and let the person know that a ‘No means No’.
- Entitlements: Nobody is entitled to anyone and that’s something we all must learn. Narcissists often expect preferential treatment from everyone around them and believe that you are entitled to them. They will expect you to cater to their needs and wants while not being considerate about your needs. The world, for them, revolves around them.
Word of Caution: Narcissism isn’t necessarily a deliberate evil part of the personality. For a lot of people, it is purely an inherited personality flaw that can be worked upon. If you are with someone who is narcissist, you need to really action things out clearly and see what is working for you.
Definitely, there is no fit-for-all solution in this case, but you can always try to get things better!