Breakup Blues: Newly- single? Here’s the advice no one told you
Well, let me put this straight- It happens, and it’s okay. When you have just had a breakup (or 10 breakups), one thing that you receive endlessly is advice. Wanted or unwarranted, they’re always there to irk you. But the thing is you must know that you alone have the power to seek what’s best for you!
Let yourself grieve
I’ve had friends who keep telling me about how they wished to move on after a break-up. Then there are those who keep getting back to you, day-after-day explaining that they just can’t seem to move on. In other words, how one deals with heartbreak is different for different people.
There will be times when you have to be happy that it’s over, while there will be times when you will grieve this loss. But the point is- ‘Allow yourself to wallow and heal’. There have been moments when you got to pat yourself on the back and brush the grief aside. But breakups are different. They call for immense understanding as well as unraveling your own self. These trying times could tell you who you are and what you can handle.
Simply put, break-ups are the phase in life when you tell yourself that there’s a lot more to come your way and these could be things that you agree to or disagree to. Whatever the case, it has to get over your head.
Through personal experience, if there’s anything I want to stress on- it is to let yourself grieve. For months, days or years together, you’ve been with someone in a romantic capacity. You’ve called the person every few hours, you’ve spoken to them about the worst and the best of experiences, you’ve shared dreams and ambitions together- yes, but it is over now. Accept this fact. Don’t expect to get up laughing the very next day. Keep it low but let yourself cry out when it is right to do so. Let there not be any sense of judgment or argument with your ex or yourself. But if there’s ONE advice you must follow to beat the break-up blues, it is the following:
Break THAT habit
For a few days, snap ties completely. A lot of life coaches, experts on the relationship and your best friends will tell you this. And trust us, that’s the best thing to do. In fact, that is the one thing you OUGHT to do.
When you love someone, you will want to inform them about what’s happening around you and with you. The constant calling, messaging, sexting or simply meeting for a cup of coffee needs to END. If you have broken up recently, you will feel the pain of not talking to them or hearing from them, but guess what? It’s fine.
Allow yourself some space and let it go. Break the habit of constantly checking what they’re doing through social media or mutual friends. Just stop talking completely and snap all ties, at least for some time. Now, SOME time could be either 30 days, 3 weeks or 3 years for you. Know yourself better and you will observe that moving on will be a smoother process.
PS: Not talking is not a magic mantra. The pain of separation will stay. The wounds will take time to heal. But that’s absolutely normal.