A few days ago, I was waiting for a friend at the food court of a busy South Delhi Mall, observing the mundane chaos caused by a couple with two young kids at the next table. Sipping my Americano, I couldn’t help but notice that the parents only talked through their children; they looked bored and faced away from each other. It was clear; this outing was only for the children’s entertainment. The kids, though, were focused on their ice cream.
I tried to imagine how, this couple who’d probably begun their journey as “Strangers in the Night, exchanging glances” had ended up as “Strangers at home, escaping glances!”
Love, attraction, chemistry are all offshoots of Energy. When two people choose each other, it is a sign that their energies have sparked. But, keeping that spark flourishing over the years, needs work. Here’s a holistic take on how you can keep that fire burning:
1. Real expectations bring greater acceptance
Comparisons are odious: someone said this first in 1440 and hundreds of years later, it still rings true. Comparing your relationship to anyone else’s is ringing its death knell. So, desist because you will never know what is behind closed doors. Every relationship is a new and individual case. Be real with your expectations. Try to understand how different you two are from each other and embrace those differences without trying to “work” on them. Think back to the time you wanted to change one of your habits. Wasn’t it difficult? More often than not, we are unable to change ourselves, and accept this fact. Similar standards should be applied to your SO (Significant Other).
2. Communication is the key to greater intimacy
With so much of our time spent on virtual social media communications, real-life conversations — where you need to exchange the energy of attention, correct body language, a genuine effort to make eye contact and listen to the other person in the room — actually feels like a chore. Make it a point, then, to spend some time with each other everyday with all e-devices switched off. Talk about things that matter to both of you. Listen to, and not just hear, what they have to say, whether it is about an argument they had with someone at the office or a conversation about their likes and dislikes. Speak up instead of bottling up your own emotions and once this communication channel is opened, make sure it remains unclogged.
3. Forgiveness brings peace and allows love to flourish
No relationship is a bed of roses, but the thorns should be a means of making it stronger rather than a weapon to tear it apart. Conflicts will arise when two individuals come together but a genuine regard for the opposite person, a willingness to introspect and apologise should be a welcome surrender. Apologies do not mean a battle lost. Saying sorry for something you realize you did wrong will not make you the ‘weaker one’. Accepting an apology without nagging your partner is equally important. Show compassion to humble honesty without getting into power play.
4. Make them your priority
Spend 15 minutes everyday visualizing yourself acknowledging your partner for everything they’ve done for you that week. Then, acknowledge them in real-time with words of appreciation and gratitude. This will bring a refreshing energy and make them feel really good about themselves and bolster your relationship. This is also a great way to remind them that they are still No.1 in your life (and it won’t be long before they begin reciprocating).
Even though a long-term relationship might seem like hard work, the best relationships are ones where the right efforts make it ‘effortless’. Here’s to happy romancing even after many years of being together.
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Madhulika Arya is a curious observer of Life.