3 Dec, 2020
As a Clinical Hypnotherapist and a Regression Therapist, Dr Kavita Bhargava has observed that one of the emerging issues among clients is the dysfunctional relationships between parents and children. The constant conflicts between parents and children are due to the unhealed inner child issues that we carry within us since childhood. In popular and analytical psychology, the term inner child is an individual’s childlike aspect. It includes what a person learned as a child, before puberty. The inner child is often conceived as a semi-independent sub-personality subordinate to the waking conscious mind. Our inner child freezes whenever we are experiencing traumas. Dr Bhargava discusses the conflicts between parents and children caused due to the inner child wounds and traumas and how to effectively heal it.
Since parents are supposed to protect the child from all the pain and misery in the world, they want to see their child happy always. At times, in order to overcome this unhealthy guilt of not being able to protect or help the child in his childhood days, the parents start over-compensating for it with overprotectiveness and extreme care. They interfere with their child‘s decisions and do not allow him to be independent. In order to protect their child from the world, they start instilling all their old belief systems and they are completely unable to understand the problems of their child. For instance, an 18- year-old who is very confused and his inner child is in conflict with himself because he is processing trauma from childhood. He may have been emotionally abandoned by his friends and parents in his childhood. While the child is processing the trauma, the parents might be forcing him to focus on studies and they may be unhappy with his academic performance. It is important for the parents to realize that the child cannot achieve his full potential and give his best to anything including studies, until he does not get over childhood traumas. Due to guilt from the past accompanied by anxiety about the future, parents dominate and even become harsh with their children without realizing the consequences of their actions. On the other hand, the child feels pressurized by parents and starts feeling resentful towards them, as they are unable to understand his feelings.
If we understand the situation from the perspective of energy, while the child‘s mind may be in the other activities, there is a void within his soul. As the child grows up, he starts having identity crisis and feels conflicted and burdened with the behaviour of his parents. He does not know what to do, feels lost and confused. This confusion gives rise to anxiety and anger which leads to more self sabotaging behaviour and conflicts with parents.
1. Cognitive work is suggested to work on parent–child conflicts. Focus on the conscious mind as well. We need to work on the conscious mind first. As experts, sometimes we miss the importance of conscious self and focus only on the subconscious. We need to give time and aid the conscious as well to heal.
2. Affirmation “I pull back all my consciousness from the past and the future back to me and I choose to live happily in the present.”
3. Explain to the client that his parents love him but they too are human. They also need help as much as he does.
1. Pull back your consciousness back to your inner self. You may consider repeating the affirmation mentioned above.
2. As parents, care for your children but do not overcompensate. It is important to understand that they have their own soul journey and life plans.
3. Consider taking personal sessions for a happy and healthy life.
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