(and fabulous) chapter in your life?
By Sridevi Datta
Heartbreaks feel like the end of the world especially because we believe in happy endings and desperately cling to the old age adage “They lived happily after”.
Nothing wrong in that!
But what if there was a twist in the tale?
What if I told you that breakups can be life-altering? That sometimes they can become the beginning of something powerful and exciting?
What if I told you that regardless of circumstances, anyone who is breaking up with you is actually doing you a favor?
Curious? Read on.
After the breakup, you become independent
How many times did you let your choices be dictated by this other person? Too many to count, right? Seeking external validation never brings happiness. Doing what you know is good for you, brings contentment. So, whether it is feeling comfy in your PJs or having your supper in bed, you are no longer accountable to anyone. You own your choices. You own your time. And slowly you begin to inhale that first whiff of freedom.
You understand what you always wanted from the relationship
Remember the time you felt your Ex could have listened more? Or, that they were more sensitive to your needs? Now, you no longer feel the need to apologize for such thoughts. You begin to see flaws that always existed– things which you refused to pay attention to in the past. The self-sabotaging patterns become evident. You are able to see with clarity what you’ve been doing in your relationships and what you now actually need.
After the breakup, you regain your sense of self worth
Relationships teach us something about ourselves. When we get involved with someone our energies mesh so completely that when the relationship breaks off, both partners (the breaker-off less than the breakee) feel a bottomless void within themselves. This is when a spiral of self-pity, addictions to sadness, even melancholy rush in to fill that deep emptiness. However, once you actively choose to break free from the obsessive cycle and apply your mind to other activities that bring joy to your heart, you regain your self-esteem. You begin to laugh with greater ease. Everything becomes beautiful once again.
Many a times during the course of a messy breakup, you delete your inner resources. You forget how brilliant you were in so and so activity and how you had the ability to excel. After the breakup, once again you begin to see/hear/ feel those resources.
A Breakup is the beginning of something new
Once you accept the fact that nothing you could do could have prevented the breakup, you begin to heal. You grow stronger and you are ready for something new. You understand that you can now re-channelize all those energies into something empowering and wonderful.
Does this mean that breakups are simple?
No of course they are not.
It means that now is the time to let your inner resilience shine through.
If in spite of everything, you do continue to feel lonely, isolated and stuck, life coaches and counselors can help you get back on the path of empowerment and embark on your new path to freedom. Thriive can help you connect with the therapists that are right for you. Know more: http://beta.thriive.in/thriive-seeker
Sridevi Datta’s articles have been published on Live Mint, Huff Post, Women’s Web, Mother’s Always Write and Money View. She writes on culture, parenting and personal finances.