How to recognise and walk away from a toxic relationship | Thriive.in
How to recognise and walk away from a toxic relationship

How to recognise and walk away from a toxic relationship

15 Jun, 2020

Not all relationships are made in heaven. Ask anyone who been in more than one relationship, or even a single bad one and they will tell you that a lot of relationships, most of the time, are trials and errors. While it’s okay to not treat a relationship as the be all, end all till you are sure of it, the problem is when we keep hanging on and trying to make something work that is clearly toxic for us. Rimpa Sarkar, a Marriage and Children’s Consellor, explains how you can identify a toxic relationship and walk away if you are trapped in one.

Relationship should be uplifting

You know you are in a healthy relationship when you feel confident and empowered. You should be able to bank on your partner, and they should be your biggest cheerleader. If your partner makes you self-conscious, always counts your flaws and uses them against you as an argument, and always puts you down, then you should know that you are better off without them. Understand that there’s a difference between constructive criticism and plain bashing.

There should be more highs than downs

Every relationship comes with its own set of highs and lows. Never is a relationship a bed of roses. There are bound to be disagreements and arguments. If you want to analyse if your relationship is a healthy one or not, then think of this – on a whole, how do you feel with your partner. If you are mostly happy and at peace, then you are good. The highs of a healthy relationship should outnumber the lows.

Listen to your gut, and your friends

When you are in the relationship and living the dream of having a partner and experiencing love, it is easy to let go off a lot of things that otherwise are redflags of toxicity. Studies show that being in love activates the same region of the brain as consuming cocaine. So love, technically, is addictive. While you are in love, you may not see everything that’s wrong but your gut tells you. And so do your friends. If your gut tells you that something is not right, then pay attention. If your friends say that they have reservations about your partner, don’t write them off. Remember, there’s no smoke without fire.

How to walk away from a toxic relationship

Make up your mind

The first step towards any major life change is coming to terms with the aspects that are not right. Acknowledging that your current partner is not the right one for you, and it is in your best interest to walk out of the relationship is the first, and most vital step. How firm you are in your decision will decide how easy it will for you to walk out and stick to it.

Find your support system

Ending a relationship, even a toxic one is taxing and challenging. You might reconsider your decision, wonder if you’ll ever find another partner, or just be intimidated by the uncertainty of a new life. You will hit lows, and indulge in self-doubt. What you need at such times is friends or people you are close to, who will hear you out, understand what you are going through and help you sail through.

Ensure your safety

If you were on a relationship that was physically abusive, you need to ensure that you are safe. Involve family members, and even authorities of need be. Do not hold back and call the person out for their abuse and let them know that you are not afraid of them anymore and will take whatever step essential for your safety.

Do not go back

Studies show that a victim in a relationship goes back to their abuser seven times before breaking free for good [2]. Do not fall into that cycle. Every time you feel like going back, remind yourself why you left, and how courageous you have been. If need be, maintain a journal of your feelings and go back to it whenever you have such thoughts.

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Citation

1. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-joint-adventures-well-educated-couples/201208/falling-in-love-is-smoking-crack-cocaine

2. www.thehotline.org/2013/06/10/50-obstacles-to-leaving-1-10/

 

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