26 Dec, 2017

How does marriage transform the love energy between two people? By Ritu Garg

“Is a love-marriage between two people the beginning of love or the beginning of the end of love?” This question came to my mind when one of my close friends met me after a year of her marriage to her sweetheart of 11 years. She looked happy and strong but as I dug more, I encountered her tender and ready-to-melt heart. I held her hand tight as tears streamed down her cheeks. I hugged her and tried to lighten the mood. “What’s the matter, Cheesecake,” I said as I wiped away her tears.
“The positive energy that we both shared seems to be waning. I feel that we don’t love each other, any more and—” I interrupted, trying to moderate what she said. “The way you used to love each other earlier, right?” I added.
How does marriage transform the love energy between two people? Let us try to put things in perspective. ‘Love’ is not a linear emotion.

Love is dynamic and takes different forms in a marriage.

  1. A marriage tempers the transcendental character of love with a bit of transactional matters.
  2. Matters of heart change into matters of hearth.
  3. And thus living together changes the way of loving.
  4. Love before marriage is manifested in longing and after marriage into belonging to each other and towards a life created together like common house, children, social status and a set of responsibilities as a unit.

Well, it sounds alright, doesn’t it? In fact, change is a way of life. After all, are we the same as we were when we began our journey of adulthood? Desmond Morris, in his book Intimate Behavior, says that relationships repeatedly go through three stages: ‘Hold me tight,’ ‘Put me down’ and ‘Leave me alone.’

Our experiences, our environment and our education keep influencing our aura and energy. Our relationship with our parents and our siblings keeps changing but we accept it for there is no exit option from these relationships.

So why do we get impatient with marriage?

Any time you feel something is amiss with your marriage, do these things to bring clarity into the relationship: 

  1. Give a chance to dialogue; take a break to talk to each other.
  2. Let go of your ego.
  3. Admit your love for your partner.
  4. Express your weakness for each other. Leave politics out of your relationship.
  5. Surrender is not subordination

(Ritu Garg lives by the words, for the words and of the words. And her before-the-sun’s-up tea).

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  1. hi meena
    i replied to your comment earlier too. but somehow did not get posted. very happy that you relate to the perspective. please do share your blog details. would like to read your writeups too.

  2. This is a very well written piece. I wish more people write such perspectives.
    As a mediator I find that people are often fed with negative inputs on the system of marriage, because a lot of people do not write or express the good, as much as the bad.

    I will share this on my blog.
    I would like to hear more from you on the same topic.


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