A super-hit Karan Johar movie will make you believe that happiness is about getting married to your beloved. On the other hand, a classic masterpiece by Sanjay Leela Bhansali will please you with the fact that separation of lovers need not end the love between two individuals. But for reasons unknown to us, no filmmaker will ever tell you about the possibility of divorce.
Separation has always been connoted as a negative thing in our society. Divorce is the dirty D word. But, let’s burst this bubble for you.
Why we believe divorce is not that big a deal
A very dear friend of mine recently underwent a divorce. As I speak to her now, I can see a renewed sense of satisfaction in her spirits. This new-found happiness in her got me thinking about why we curse ‘separation in marriage’ so much?
Recently, in an interview to a national daily, Arbaaz Khan spoke about his divorce with Malaika Arora. He stated that though the couple thought the marriage would eventually find its balance, it fell apart. And that’s the one thing we would want to talk about – it is OKAY to walk out of a marriage if that could give one peace.
PS: We are simply pointing to you that divorce need not be the worst option it is made out to be.
Divorced couples are looked down upon or rather treated quite differently on social occasions. This has got to do with the importance we give to marriages in our society and how we believe that marriages complete a human in terms of his ‘settling’ down in life.
Why is Divorce considered the ‘Dirty-D word’?
We have all seen Titanic- a love story that we have grown up watching. Remember that only Rose survives to tell the story. A closer observation of the story can tell you that the only reason she is alive to retell that love story is that she realizes that she couldn’t survive if she hangs with Jack in the wooden deck. Practicality is a legit thing in any relationship. There may be times when you have to opt out of a relationship for reasons best known to you.
Indian society has always considered marriages to be sacred. Marriage vows are considered as a lifetime promise. For a lot of reasons, one may not be able to fulfill these promises until the very end. Few of those conditions where you must look for divorce as an option are:
- Abuse: No matter how hard the Hindi saas-bahu serials make it seem normal, it is NOT. It is not okay to be abused- mentally, verbally or physically. Domestic violence, verbal abuse or emotional blackmail is a big BIG NO. If you find yourself in an abusive relationship- move out, NOW.
- Incompatibility: For ages together, this term has been neglected. Two individuals need not always end up in the best possible marital relationship. Incompatibility is a legit condition for divorce.
Life after divorce
For one, we must understand that the stigma around divorce has changed quite a bit. Gone are the days when it was considered a no-no. Today we see celebrities like Saif Ali Khan or Aamir Khan who turned the page to a happy remarriage after divorce too. One of the things that you must know is that it is alright to separate from someone- given that you no longer can put up with that person.
Here are 3 reasons why it is absolutely okay to go a separate way in marriage instead of ruining your inner peace by staying in an ugly marriage:
1) Happy parenting: One reason why a lot of people don’t leave an unhappy marriage is that they believe that parenting is about two individuals coming together. However, that isn’t true. Your child would want to see you happy rather than seeing you sad. A happy parent is always better at parenting. Two separate happy homes are better than one unhappy home- for your kid to flourish.
2) Mental health: One of the most important things that we miss in our stressful lives is mental peace. When you aren’t at peace with yourself you are going to make it difficult for everyone around you. Give yourself a break from a marriage that drains you mentally and makes you feel like you don’t belong or deserve good things to happen to you.
3) Reconnect with yourself: A lot of times, in any relationship, we tend to give in too easily. We get so involved with the other person that we almost lose that connection with ourselves. Divorce or separation could be another chance for you to reconnect with your inner self.
Well, divorce isn’t really all that bad. We know of celebrity couples who have parted ways and lived happily ever after as we have seen those who went separate ways and couldn’t live a necessarily good life.