Relationship Review: How healthy is your relationship?
I think I was in my adolescence when I first read the book, “Not Without My Daughter” by the celebrated writer Betty Mahmoody.
Too young to understand the nuances of a healthy relationship and too naive to discern the complexity of unhealthy relationships, the book made me think of questions I really had no answers to. Firstly, everything is a relationship –from your rapport with the friendly neighborhood grocer to the people we’re romantically intertwined with. What makes these relationships healthy, what makes them toxic? And the biggest question on everyone’s mind…are we doomed to just survive in unhealthy relationships..or can we transform them?
Relationships depend almost entirely on your personality and what you expect from the relationship. According to Anu Sachar, a Thriive-Verified Life Coaching Expert, a Psychologist, and Wellness Coach, “Almost every aspect of your relationship is a reflection of you. It all comes from the individual within. While considering the status of relationships, you must review certain things.”
Here are 3 markers of a healthy relationship
1) Happiness: Hollywood superstar Will Smith famously quoted in an interview, “You cannot make a person happy. I thought that was a real deep idea. You can make a person smile. You can make a person feel good. You can make a person laugh. But, whether or not a person is happy is deeply and totally and utterly out of your control.”
This is exactly what we are talking about. Your happiness must revolve around yourself and that is important. Do whatever it takes for you to be happy. And DON’T measure your happiness on the scale alongside your partner’s.
2) Acceptance of self: Do you really truly accept yourself? All your tiny little flaws from the tummy pouch you just can’t get rid of, to the perhaps larger, suppressed anger issues that flare up at times? Yes, you’re not perfect. But in order to truly have other people accept that you’re not perfect, and it’s ok, first YOU need to accept it! Unless you love yourself, everything else around you will only be superficial. You need to be yourself in every way to create loving lasting bonds with people around you.
3) Accountability: Your relationship is a collective responsibility. You can’t control the other, but you can control yourself. The output of your relationship is a direct reflection of the input. If you’re focused on the negative, or the “things that didn’t happen but should have”, or are busy judging the other, you energetically create huge energy obstacles. The free flow of love and joy become stilted in even the best environments. You need to keep yourself accountable to focus on the positive and give the relationship the best vibes possible.
“Remember your own role in the relationship- identify whether you are a partner or a substitute for another role (ie parent, sibling, ancestor, etc.). If most of these are out of the individual’s self-awareness and actions, relationships will automatically break,” said Sachar.