Sexual intimacy: Are real couples open to experimenting in bed?
Imagine being intimate with someone you are attracted to for the first time. There are sparks flying and hearts pounding. Every touch feels electric. All they have to do is blink to take your breath away. Cut to many years later. The two of you are married. There are a tonne of responsibilities, mortgages and wailing children to look after. Would the sight of them dishevelled after a hard day’s work turn you on? There’s a lack of zing in your sex lives. Routine sucks the joy out of life, and at the end of the day, all you want to do is go to bed…to sleep. If this sounds familiar, you are not alone.
A lot of married couples go through sexual boredom that comes with familiarity, stress and poor body image. But don’t throw your hands in despair. Boring sex life isn’t a sign to go philandering. Remember the chemistry you shared with your partner in the initial days of your romance? It can be recreated. But for that to happen, like most good things in life, you need patience and courage (yes, courage). Because experimenting in bed isn’t for the faint of heart.
Bored couples who want to give their relationships a fighting chance are often asked to “spice things up” with a little role-playing, kinky board games and — if you are willing to go there — some light BDSM. And if you aren’t particularly squeamish, swinging (swapping partners), open relationship or threesomes.
These tips may seem practical on a lifestyle website, but what do real-life couples want? Are they willing to go over to the wild side to save their relationships. We asked a few couples.
Threesome is OK as long as I get to pick
This Mumbai couple is nearing a decade of wedded bliss but not a sign of sexual bliss insight. “I suggested a threesome, but madam shot it down,” said the distraught husband. The wife was quick to interject: “I told him I am ready as long as I get to pick the third person.” Their menage trois plans, it seems, have come to a standstill. “I am still hopeful that we come to an agreement someday,” says the husband.
No third person please! It’s a deal-breaker
This mother of two daughters aged three and five doesn’t mind being called a prude but no affairs or threesomes for her. “Marriages can go stale. I was married in 2015 and conceived soon after that. After having two kids back-to-back, me and my husband were both bogged down by responsibilities. There was no time or inclination to have sex. But come what may, I am never going to let a third or fourth person into the relationship. That’s unfortunately too much for me to take. Call me old fashioned, I don’t care. I think couples should opt for counselling instead of these gimmicks,” she said.
My husband isn’t into kinky sex
For the exasperated 34-year-old Rani, getting her husband to do anything apart from missionary sex at night is next to impossible. “I don’t blame him. My in-laws are very conservative. They believe that sex any other way or at any other time of the day apart from at night can cause the gods to curse us,” she said. So the fear of divine retribution keeps the husband from experimenting. “My mother-in-law also asked to not have sex on religious occasions as it is considered a sin,” she added.
I’ m down for roleplaying!
Role-playing is perhaps the tamest of all things “experimental” says this 27-year-old and her boyfriend of seven years. “So, he and I first met in college in a rock band. I was the vocalist and he played lead guitar. We no longer play music, but the other day my boyfriend had an idea. He and I recreated a scene from our initial days when we were jamming together. In no time, it brought back all those memories and those songs we sang together. Although it’s not really role-playing in that sense, it sure felt great,” she adds.
Experimenting doesn’t always have to mean role play, swinging or BDSM. It could be the simple act of bringing sex out of the bedroom. Change is always good for the sex life. However, many couples are still squeamish about trying out different things in bed.