Spicing Up Relationships Through Sexts: How healthy is it? | Thriive.in
Spicing Up Relationships Through Sexts: How healthy is it?

Spicing Up Relationships Through Sexts: How healthy is it?

10 Jun, 2019

I have these uber cool friends who would randomly start smiling as they look into their partner’s messages. Whether it was the sort of texts to roll into laughter or a simple “I love you” seems like a great start for an intimate conversation. The thing about sexting is that it isn’t new! Even if absolutely no one talks about it in the open, it is common among couples.

Sending lovey-dovey messages on Whatsapp or simply sending a simple picture while you are traveling to work, or on a busy Monday afternoon from your conference room can light up your partner’s mood. Sexting is different from these lovey-dovey messages. It can be defined as sending more explicit, suggestive texts, nude or nearly nude photos or videos of yourself. Earlier, it was considered inappropriate but today, it is acceptable in the larger circle of couples.

” Married adults do sext each other, but it is much less common than within young adult relationships and consists mainly of sexy or intimate talk (29% reported engaging in sexy talk with partners) rather than sexually explicit photos or videos (12% reported sending nude or nearly-nude photos),” stated a study named, ‘Sexting Among Married Couples: Who Is Doing It, and Are They More Satisfied?’. The study was published in the journal of Cyberpsychology, Behaviour and Social Networking.

With more and more ‘inner circles’ being built online, there is a lot we need to know about, especially when you have to maintain relationships. Can sexting help in getting closer to your partner? Maybe YES, maybe NO.

Maybe YES

Today, we live in an era where you can send text messages, videos or even audios to express love to your partner. No matter how many of us disagree to have ever indulged in sexting, you must agree that it can help in building a more intimate relationship with your spouse. According to a study published in the journal Computers in Human behaviour, it was found that 75% of young adults confessed to having engaged in sexting. While 62% claimed to have received or sent a sexually-explicit picture too.

Don’t get me wrong. We are only talking about committed couples here and their need to indulge in sexting simply because of missing their partner. Long distance couples, for example, have the added responsibility of building their worlds on the internet or smartphone.

The same study further added that sexting imposed a ‘positive consequence’ from sexting in a committed relationship rather than casual ones. A friend of mine would often tell me that whenever she would travel outside the country for work and find herself lonely, sexting was her way of feeling loved. (The lines between sexting and sending love messages are different and blurry.)

No matter how much you find this bizarre, it isn’t untrue. Most couples today, survive only on this. With most couples not having the time to meet often or spend time cozying up, the way out is to talk about things you wished to do with your partner.

Maybe NO

Not every relationship is built on the same values. For a lot of people, space in terms of texting is integral. Just as you already know relationships don’t come with a manual. While it is true that sexting or sending explicit images for some may make their relationship intimate, for a lot of people it may cause anxiety and consciousness. Constant thoughts of am I looking okay? Am I sounding okay? These questions may seep through- ruining the comfort of an already existing relationship.

Excess and imposing of anything are wrong. Unless your partner is mutually happy with sexting, don’t do it. Don’t use it as a weapon to emotionally abuse your partner or cause further disappointment. You must know that sexting in a relationship can play a saviour while sexting someone forcibly or without consent, or someone who is a minor is considered a criminal offense.

The problem we have today is the fact that in spite of social media getting us closer to our virtual friends, it is taking us far from the real world.


Fights can really get awful on the text. When you are on Whatsapp and have to say a simple go away, it sounds rather blunt and rude as opposed to a face-to-face conversation where the tone plays a magnificent role.  Why do I point this here? That’s because relationships need to be handled with care and love. ALWAYS, as a rule, check with your partner if it is okay to sext and if they agree, you can use it as a tool to spice up your marriage. Beware; relationships don’t come with a ‘TRUE FOR ALL’ guideline.


McDaniel BT, Drouin M. Sexting Among Married Couples: Who Is Doing It, and Are They More Satisfied?. Cyberpsychol Behav Soc Netw. 2015;18(11):628–634. doi:10.1089/cyber.2015.0334

Drouin, M., Coupe, M, & Temple, J. R. (2017). ‘Is sexting good for your relationship?  It depends …’  Computers in Human Behaviour, 75, 749-756

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