19 Aug, 2020
We believe we will live a fairytale once we get married. We meet someone, have a whirlwind courtship, get married, and then we get too involved in the humdrum of our lives, leaving little space to nurture a marriage. That is where the mistake is – a good relationship is all about making efforts and putting in the work. Most often, we are not equipped to get into a relationship with the right tools, to manage the challenges of intimacy, spending quality time with our partner, communication issues etc. A marriage counsellor can help you with the right tools and put things in perspective to have a happy married life. Kiran Makhijani, a marriage counsellor discusses about why you need to visit a marriage counsellor.
Many couples are not expressive towards each other. A marriage counsellor can help facilitate new ways to communicate with each other. Makhijani states that many a times, a husband or a wife feels that the spouse does not understand them. They also feel that they are not spending enough time with each other and are not receptive towards each others feelings which may result in communication issues, frequent fights and resenting each other.
Negative communication makes one feel judged, shamed, disregarded, insecure, or wanting to withdraw from the conversation. Negative communication also includes the tone of conversation because it is not always what you say, but how you say it. Negative communication can escalate into emotional abuse as well as non-verbal communication. One partner may be nagging the other continuously that they are not cordial as they were earlier and their relationship has changed or the partner’s behaviour has changed. A husband or a wife may not feel emotionally satisfied with their relationship and may feel trapped in the marriage.
Couples often face intimacy issues. Intimacy and the frequency of spending intimate moments may be important for one of the partners and not for the other. This may create a rift between the two and the partners may think that the love and excitement in the marriage no longer exists. These issues can be resolved through one-on-one session with a marriage counsellor subsequently followed by a group session.
A partner may have unrealistic expectations from the other like wanting attention from your partner all the time, wanting your partner to take all minor decisions on your behalf, etc. This creates a rift between the couples and one of the spouses starts feeling suffocated and overburdened to keep up with unrealistic expectations.
Not taking charge of your lives
In an arranged marriage set up, many couples are not used to taking decisions for themselves, especially in a joint family. Elders in the family are used to taking decisions on behalf of the married couples, leaving little room for quality time, communication, and privacy for them. Over a period of time, it results in ugly fights between the couple.
If you feel you are facing any of these issues, or are not experiencing a happy, peaceful, and satisfying married life, you should consider seeing a marriage counselor to seek guidance. A marriage counselor can help you understand your issues and learn ways to handle the issues and make your marriage stronger.
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