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Why are modern relationships so difficult?

1 Jul, 2019
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Why are modern relationships so difficult?

Modern relationships are more like a package today. There is everything from love to lust to anger to upheaval to understanding, yet so, a lot of the relationships today fail awkwardly. Just like you, we wonder why this is the case. Here’s a sneak peek into modern relationships and their ever-changing dynamics.

Gully Boy – An Insight on Modern Relationships

A movie that took the Hindi Cinema by storm this year was Zoya Akhtar’s – Gully Boy. Apart from being a movie about an underdog achieving his dreams, the movie explores an interesting modern relationship dynamic amongst the story’s main leads – Alia Bhatt and Ranveer Singh. The movie is set to be this modern-age Mumbai, and so is the relationship.

The first time we see Alia and Ranveer together for the first time on a local bus, they don’t even exchange a word, they seem to follow a pattern of motions which establish their relationship and the long years that they have spent together. It would be an understatement to say that this simple scene from the movie manages to establish a love story which many of the other Hindi films have failed to achieve in their full length. 

Spectrums of Modern Relationships

Possessiveness:

We all have our own definitions of love, for the person, we are with. Sometimes it is of being dependent or being independent. However, the people who are in a relationship would certainly relate to the nature of being possessive and overprotective towards your significant others. Generally, a limited possessiveness in a relationship is good because it shows that he or she is worried about losing you. 

So, when Alia finds out that a girl from Ranveer’s class has been flirting with him over text messages, she doesn’t seem to think straight and resorts to a violent act against the girl. This acceptable degree of possessiveness is sometimes necessary for one’s relationship but as the movie progresses it explores what happens when this possessiveness takes an extreme form. 

Over Possessiveness: 

When Ranveer stumbles upon an aspiring NRI music student, played by Kalki – he respects her work and just wants to get off his wagon and establish himself as an artist. The dynamic that Kalki and Ranveer share is something that Alia is unaware of. Alia is left to speculate and wonder from her perspective because she can’t stand seeing Ranveer with anyone else but her. With Ranveer being busy with producing music and Alia failing to open up with him causes a rift in the relationship. 

This overwhelming protective shell that Alia had created around her relationship, is something that is fading because she fails to trust him. But on the downside, studies have shown that people who are overprotective of their significant other often lack confidence and self-esteem. This can be due to the nature that Alia was brought up with. This cannot be linked to anything else but an overprotective childhood. 

Healthy relationships are about- give and take with each partner feeling free to be themselves while also pursuing a shared life together.

Adultery:

The pillars of any good relationship are its fundamentals, and communication is one of them. When both Alia and Ranveer don’t indulge in a conversation, stating their feelings towards their situation it is bound to cause a hindrance in the relationship. It’s when the couples start lying to each other, just for the sake of making them happy for a moment, is when they should start counting their days. 

Things that may have happened in a spur of the moment could be devastating to even fathom upon. But, a good relationship will always uphold the fundamental pillars. With a series of back and forths – the truth always comes out, and it does. When Alia finds about Ranveer cheating with Kalki, it pisses her off more. Because this time, there’s no one to blame but Ranveer in this situation. It leads to bad (temporary) break up. 

Conclusion

A relationship which has been established for the entirety of Ranveer’s childhood cannot, rather should not just end because of one cheating experience. It should if he continued to act in that way. Later, when Kalki tries to confront Ranveer of the same – he realizes how much he loves Alia and whatever they did was nothing but something that happened in a spur of the moment. 

It is a small and emotional scene when Ranveer addresses his mistake to Alia and apologizes for the things that had happened. Alia has the higher ground here, where it can either end up in she slapping him or accepting him back. When you are in a healthy relationship, your significant other should understand when you’re telling the truth and when you’re not. 

Open, honest and safe communication is a fundamental part of every healthy relationship, and at this moment – Ranveer is vulnerable, open and honest to have a communication with her. The willingness of Alia to accept Ranveer back is a sign of a relationship which is trying to be healthy. 

Modern relationships are actually very similar to this. In most cases, possessiveness, controlling attitude, over-protective nature, trust issues as well as communication gap can lead to havoc in your relationships. That’s why you see a lot of people undergoing massive heartbreaks these days. It’s rather sad when people fail miserably in these relationships, but the only thing we must learn is how to deal with them. Obsession cannot be equated to love and that is the core learning that we must know of.

Omkar Kulkarni is a self-proclaimed art appreciator, a certified film reviewer and someone’s favorite human being.

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