While technically divorce rates are still the lowest in India, they are definitely on the rise and let us go a little broader and first accept that there are many dead marriages in India – maybe we just don’t have sometimes the strength to call it ‘the end’. So if we see the sum of divorces plus dead marriages, India could compete with the rest of the world.
How do couples get here? Instead of labeling the institution of marriage as dated and old, maybe we need to understand 2 things:
- we are social animals and companionship is considered even by HARVARD as one of the key reasons for happiness.
- we don’t see relationships as a learning curve to know how to love and feel another soul spiritually.
So relationships are important. Marriages are beautiful. We just need to recognize some areas and rewire ourselves.
- Priority: As time passes, we take those people who live under our roof for granted. It’s just like how we can be with our folks and then when we look back, sometimes we are left with regret. It is a human behavior that we often do not acknowledge that relationships cannot be taken for granted – would we take our career for granted? Our health for granted? And if we do, what happens? Then why doesn’t the same rule apply for relationships? The way to make sure it is a priority is how we put time with our partner into a calendar – weekly date nights, no mobile dinner zones so on and so forth. So one key reason divorces happen is we do not prioritize relationships!
- Elephant in the room: When things are good, everyone is carrying on with their lives but when things go sour, comes the real challenge – how are we seeing differences? How are we solving differences? Are we using differences to understand each other better? When we miss this – we miss the massive elephant in the room that was building through many micro tracks – we just chose to ignore it because we saw the conflict as a bad thing and wanted to move on! And then comes a crashing point and we cant solve most of the stuff like too much water has gone under the bridge right? Rewind; Redefine conflict; Embrace to build a foundation.
- Living in the drama: Drama is simply put 3 things: Victimizing, blaming and rescuing. When we are in this with our partners, we aren’t taking 100% responsibility and we aren’t influencing each other positively – it seems easier to deal with by living in the drama, chatting it out with other friends and getting the validation that this is how all relationships are! Till it reaches a toxic level and there you go! It doesn’t work anymore. So recognizing when we are in the drama and stepping out of it individually, can change it for sure
- Languages of love not understood: While this is a big topic by itself, there are languages of love each of us have that nourish us and these might be different for your partner and different for you! But do we know what language of love he or she wants to receive? Are we nourishing them with it? When we are completely off track, it almost seems like our partner doesn’t love us! Helloooo that is so not true! We just didn’t figure what language of love works for the other – so check out 5 languages of love!
- Keeping it fresh: It is a long period of living together – let us start with accepting it. Boredom can set in. Intimacy can die. We then crave newness and start seeking it someplace else! And by the way, intimacy is so underrated right? We take it as a given that in a long relationship, it can die. We don’t have common and new activities we do with each other – yes this is effort and we need to consciously seek it.
Let us not make relationships and marriages as demons. They aren’t. They are beautiful and just like all relationships, need nurturing and nourishment. Divorces are happening because we are missing this point completely. So, reflect on your relationship today and give it some TLC in a whole new way 😉
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